Why Feeling Unsafe Makes Us Afraid

Why Are We All So Afraid?

Imagine the kind of life you long to live.
When I think about the life I truly want, deep down, I just want to feel peaceful, happy, and loved.
In that version of my life, everything feels easy. I’m floating. It feels effortless.

But no matter how much I try to live that way, something always seems to get in the way.
It took me a while to figure it out, but that something is fear.

And I don’t just mean the big, obvious fears like physical danger.
Not the "I might get hit by a car" kind of fear.
Not the "someone's walking behind me at night" kind of fear.

Often this type of fear doesn’t shout instead, it whispers. 

It’s the fear that I won’t get what I think I need.
The fear that I’ll lose something important.
The fear that I’ll be judged, rejected, or left out.

When we feel any of those fears, or even worry that we might, we stop feeling safe.
And that’s really what fear is. It’s a response to not feeling safe.

That feeling shows up more often than we realize.

Think about someone you know who always has to be in control.
They insist on doing things their way. They take over conversations or plans.
Maybe you’ve worked with someone like that. I definitely have.

When I’m around people like that now, I try to remember this isn’t just about them being bossy or difficult.
They’re scared. They feel safer when they’re in charge.
That need for control is really just fear in disguise.

Realizing that has helped me a lot.
It doesn’t mean I let them take over or ignore how I feel.
But it helps me not take it so personally.
I can see the fear behind the behavior, even when they can’t.

And the truth is, I do the same thing sometimes.
So do you. So does everyone.

When we don’t feel safe, we get scared.
And when we’re scared, we try to control whatever we can.

It’s kind of eye-opening, isn’t it?
To realize how often fear comes down to that one thing.
Not feeling safe