Yes, I Have a Dark Side (And So Do You)

As much as it pains me to admit it… I have a dark side.

When I think about myself, I like to focus on how kind, loving, and hard-working I am. That’s the version of me I want to see - and the version I want others to see too.

But the truth is, there are parts of me I’d rather ignore.

Sometimes I’m selfish. Sometimes I’m judgmental. Sometimes I pull away or act in ways that are just… unkind.

The deal is -every single one of us has a light side and a dark side.  I call it being gray – a mix of light and dark.

It’s not because we’re broken. It’s because we’re human.

The dark side is the part we try to hide or push away.

The part we feel ashamed of. The part we wish we could get rid of entirely.

But here’s what I’ve come to understand:

That dark side shows up when we’re afraid.

When we’re stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, or unsure of our place in the world, fear fills us up.

And then we react.

We cope by focusing on what’s wrong -with ourselves, with other people, with the situation.

We get critical. We snap. We shut down. We blame.

And then we feel bad about that, too. We beat ourselves up. Or we pretend it didn’t happen.

But it doesn’t go away just because we avoid it.

And it doesn’t get better when we try to shame ourselves into changing.

If anything, that just keeps the cycle going.

The only thing that’s ever helped me soften that pattern is compassion.

Not to excuse the behavior, but to understand it.

When I can remind myself, “I acted that way because I was afraid -not because I’m a bad person,” everything shifts.

It’s like I finally have space to breathe - and to imagine doing something different next time.