Why We React the Way We Do (and How We Can Start to Change It)

Have you ever wondered why you do what you do?  Why you feel what you feel?  Ever felt totally stuck in it, even though you really wanted to move on or let it go?

Yeah. Me too. Welcome to the club.

The truth is, we all struggle with this.

When we’re afraid, overwhelmed, or under pressure, every one of us reacts in ways that can hurt ourselves or the people around us. Sometimes those reactions are loud and obvious- snapping at someone, shutting down, or blaming. Other times they’re quieter. Maybe we don’t say a word, but inside we’re judging others… or turning on ourselves with critical, harsh thoughts.

You might not see someone’s reaction. You might not hear what they’re thinking. But that doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

And it’s not just some people. It’s all of us. 

Every single person reacts in some way when they feel threatened, scared, or overwhelmed. Not because we’re broken or bad - but because this is what we have learned to do. 

Think about it: when you were little, you watched how the people around you handled being upset - your parents, grandparents, caregivers. You absorbed it without even realizing. And over time, those reactions became your own. That’s not your fault. It’s not who you are - it’s just how you learned to be. 

But here’s the good news: once you start to see those patterns, you can begin to shift them.

That’s where change starts - with noticing.

What do you say to yourself when you’re upset?
How do you treat others when you feel unsure or inadequate?
What’s happening in your body when you’re overwhelmed?

When you slow down enough to really notice what’s going on -what you’re feeling, what you’re thinking - you begin to see that you do have choices.

And that’s where real change begins.
Not with shame.
Not with force.
But with noticing.