Letting Go of “Us vs. Them”

We’re living in unpredictable and frightening times.  It’s hard, I feel it too.   

When worry and fear run high for long enough, they change how we see people. We start sorting people into categories: safe or unsafe, with us or against us.

It becomes us against anyone who doesn’t agree with us, anyone who upsets us, anyone we have been taught to see as a threat. 

Have you noticed that in yourself?

And the moment that happens, something changes inside of us. We close our minds to seeing their humanity.  We forget that these “other” people share the same wants and needs we all have.  To feel safe, to financially support ourselves and our families, to feel hopeful for the future.  And without noticing it, we lose our ability to feel compassion for them.

What’s even more striking is that when we get caught up in this mindset, we don’t just lose compassion for “them.” We lose it for ourselves and everyone else in our lives. 

We may think we’re directing our anger or fear at one person or one group. But it doesn’t stay contained there. It doesn’t only affect them. It moves through us first, shaping our thoughts, our choices, our tone of voice, and the way we move through the world. Once those emotions take hold, they influence everything.

When we are in that place, fear and darkness are calling the shots instead of our Light.

That’s one of the deepest costs of an us-versus-them mentality. It doesn’t just divide us from others. It poisons us by blocking us from connecting with our Light, our most loving, giving, joyful part of who we are.

As we all struggle living in these difficult times, we all need some help finding our way forward, finding our way out of the dark.  So that’s why I want to share this Loving Kindness meditation with you.   You’ll find the recording of this special meditation at the end of this blog - a gift for you to return to whenever you need it.

In this meditation, we take the time to send loving kindness to ourselves, to someone we care for and to someone we are struggling with. This last group could include strangers, “loved ones,” acquaintances, anyone you feel angry or frustrated with, anyone you see as an enemy.

The challenge with this meditation is that you’re not only wishing good things for yourself and for the people you love. You’re also trying to send love and kindness to the people you are struggling with, the ones you might want to punish or see suffer.

It’s usually easy to send kindness to someone you care about. But when you imagine offering the same wishes to someone you’re angry with, someone you feel hurt by, someone you see as your enemy, there is a resistance. Can you feel that?

In me, it feels like a wall.

So within the meditation, we pause there. Instead of pushing past the resistance, we turn toward it. We take a few moments to understand what’s building that wall.

Our fear. Not fear of the person  exactly, but fear of what we might lose if we were to wish them well.  Maybe it’s our sense of control. Our sense of being right. Our stories about who we are and who they are.  Our boundaries.

As I read through the possible fears we might be feeling, we simply sit and notice it, and when we do, often our wall gets a little smaller, a little thinner, a little lower, so that we can if we chose to step over it.  

Because it’s only by recognizing a fear that it begins to lose its power. When you can name it, you’re no longer completely run by it.

And from there, you can try something that may have felt impossible before. You can imagine sending health and peace to the people you’re struggling with and actually mean it. Not to excuse them. Not to agree with them. But to see them as a human being, just like you, doing the best they can with what they know and what they fear.

What surprised many people in this meditation was this beautiful truth: compassion isn’t a one-way gift. In many ways, the one who benefits most from offering compassion is you.

The moment you send those wishes, something brightens inside you. You reconnect with your own goodness, your own steadiness, your own love, your own Light. The poison of fear and anger starts to thin. You’re able to feel compassion not just toward the difficult person, but toward yourself and the people you love. You feel lighter. More grounded. More open.

This practice doesn’t fix everything, but it changes the internal climate. It gives you a bit of space between you and the fear running the show. And with that space, you start to have choices again.

When you listen to the meditation, take your time. Let yourself feel what shifts in your body. You may be surprised by how much room appears once fear stops speaking for you.

It really is a game changer.

The four wishes you’ll hear in the recording are simple:

May you live free of worry.

May you feel safe and be safe.

May you be healthy.

May you be at peace.

It’s a gift you give to yourself,

and it ripples outward to everyone you care about.